HOPE GIVES STRENGTH

For many years after I was sexually abused I gave up on myself. I was tired of crying and being misunderstood. I hated that I allowed myself to be hurt by other people. I was impatient at the time it was taking me to ‘do better’ and felt that because it was not happening straight away I was useless.

I was very depressed and felt no one could understand the pain and anger I was experiencing because of such trauma. I spent a lot of time consumed by hateful thoughts, unforgiveness and anger; negative emotions sapped my strength.

The turning point for me was encountering a relationship with Jesus Christ. At the end of myself I found comfort in being accepted as I was. Through this life changing spiritual experience, I have been on a journey of healing and discovery of self, which in the process has helped my confidence and self esteem. I am learning to trust that God can and will restore to me a newness of life I have never experienced and trust that God in his wisdom will never intentionally hurt me. While I believe God never orchestrated the abuse (people have freewill and make their own choices) I know that what was meant to harm me will be used for good. It has taken a variety of avenues and resources (therapy, Gods word-bible, self help books, prayer, kind words of encouragement from friends and family) to help me understand that despite the challenges I sometimes face emotionally and spiritually at intermittent times in my life I can still overcome. My past in its magnitude stacked the odds against me of ever having a normal life, of having hope for a good future. Each positive step I have made has of course had its opportunity created by God but also by me deciding that my past will not define my future; but the power of my own choices can. Slowly I started to believe there was hope for me and recognised that with my powerful voice, skills and talents I could help other people to find hope.

Sadness and despair blinds the ability to have hope for the future. Nothing is ever as it seems and just by looking at your past, where you are now or going on feelings will never give you a clear picture of all the possibilities that can happen for you. It is unfair that this violation has happened to you, leaving you to deal with the aftermath that sexual abuse leaves lingering behind; but at some point there comes a time where we need to courageously address the issues with support and start to reclaim our lives.

When you have hope it gives you the motivation to face each day with focus to think about fulfilling the things we want to achieve; it drives us to finish what we started not matter how long it takes.

It is a bumpy road full of ups and downs. I still have times where I wonder if the dreams and aspirations that lay waiting in my heart for me to achieve will be possible but I know I am not doing it in my own strength; I am doing it in the strength of the Living God. All I need to do is have faith. After all, I am still here not only just surviving but thriving in all that I do. I will never be perfect but as long as I remain hopeful that something productive will come out of my life, it will see me through.

What I have to offer not only others but my family has given me focus and energy to face challenges head on.

Yvonne x