Full Circle

I had yet another wonderful opportunity to organise, manage and co-ordinate the annual foster carers reception for the local authority where I work part time. Over 160 people including the Mayor, councillors, staff and foster carers attended the event. After weeks of manic organising, conflicting work and huge pressure as I finally sat at my table taking in the atmosphere I became emotional. I don’t know why this particular event had an effect on me as I have done it twice before but for some reason a realisation dawned on me.

Rewind 26 years ago back to when I was taken into emergency care in 1989. I was a young heartbroken girl who was angry and emotionally damaged because of the sexual abuse I endured. I had no idea where my journey in care would take me, as growing up in a family home environment was all I knew. At the time in my young confused mind, I think I was expecting reassurance and comfort but instead in my first placement with a foster carer it was an experience that left a negative impression on me. Instead of feeling welcomed at every turn directly and sublimely I was reminded that I was an outsider, not a real part of the family; I felt alone and rejected. I thank God for my foster sister at the time that consoled and looked after me whilst I was there who took time out to teach me how to cook and hand wash clothes. Her care and love meant a lot to me.

My time in care was spent in a mixture of children homes, secure units and foster placements. Being moved from pillow to post, not being able to settle in one place for too long had a continued affect many years after I left care, especially in the early years of employment. Besides the obvious issues of abuse and poor self esteem, from my late teens to my late twenties I had to deal with on occasions people’s prejudgement on discovery of finding out that in my past I was in the care system. This was in spite of the fact that my life progression spoke for itself; successful jobs, drive, ambition and married. Even when I had a setback I was proactive in gaining back control of my life. Stereotypes of being someone who had been in the system and sexually abused nearly helped certain people to destroy my family; rather than break and destroy me it only served to make me stronger.

Life has taken me through deep valleys and times where my hope has been shaken to the core but it has not been until recently, in the last few years on my journey to where I am now, that I have really started to appreciate and give myself credit for overcoming the challenges I have faced in the most hardest of decisions and dilemmas. For many years I saw my experiences and my past as an embarrassment, a mark of how far I had fallen short in life but now as an Author, motivational speaker, leader and influencer using my life and my experiences to help others find hope and comfort, I thank the Lord God through his son Jesus Christ that all that was meant for bad in my life has been turned around for good.

I remember sitting in the cemetery park outside Margaret Press centre that I attended for a short while when I was out of education at 14 years old. The teacher gave me the task of drawing myself in relation to how I saw my future. I could only draw a black girl with a high fence around her; I could not see a future, I could see any hope. But as I stood in the annual Foster Carers reception that I had a pivotal part in putting together I now see what the other side of the fence looked like. No longer the restless isolated lonely girl who did not see a future, whether in working for this organisation that I founded, paid employment or all my endeavours on the path to reaching the goal of working for myself, nothing in my life good or bad will ever go to waste; I am blessed in all avenues. It took courage to push past the pain and took boldness to go forward and believe that I could be the exception. All my experiences, trials and challenges have been used in my life to come together for a greater good. Not looking back but pressing forward even in hard times and disappointments. I came into care not believing for a future but now via a different avenue under the same authority and department, through God’s grace I became a key part of the team. The way I came in is not the way my story was left. Those past negatives are being re-written and re-told into a powerful new narrative that I am part of forging in this adventure called my life. Be encouraged; if you are someone who has been in care or are in care that feels you will never be able to achieve your dreams or that your past will forever hinder you it can be turned run for good, look at me. God did it for me, God can do it for you too all you need is to believe have faith and courage.