Control

I have learned many lessons on my own personal journey from being abused as a child. I have learned that when you have had your boundaries violated and distorted by sick adults that lack self control it can have a disturbing affect on relationships at an age where you can make choices but end up making the wrong ones because of trauma.

As a teenager I hated authority because I hated others trying to control me. So I was never in a gang and found because I liked to be in charge and not a follower it made it hard to be in groups of girls. After I had my first child at 17yrs I found myself allowing controlling people/relationships into my life. There was never any balance and only served to reinforce the belief within me that I was weak. People saw I was a bit dysfunctional and I allowed them to have that power because I felt what they said about me was right; that I was not good enough and damaged. Getting the balance right is achieved over time through honesty, professional help and building good self esteem and confidence. It does not matter how long it takes as long as the goal always is to break free from the negativity of your pass and not let it define you.

I have been seeing a lot over the last few years, people controlling others who have been abused, especially sexually and emotionally. They are people who should know better or they are abused themselves and have taken on the controlling role over the other survivor who wants assurance but compromises themselves in order to get that; by being controlled. It stems from fear on both ends and needs to be addressed. I just want to say if you recognize either of these characteristics in you, you can get help. Being controlling is not the answer to feeling safe and allowing others to control you does not mean they accept you and a guarantee that they won’t rejected you. It took me 21 years to learn the hard way so I hope you won’t have to take the long route. People who truly like and love you will accept you where you are now and be patient with you on your journey and not seek to take advantage of you. Remember that.

Yvonne x