KEY

The battle for survival and healing after something as traumatic as abuse is a tough journey that requires patience, strength, endurance and time. One minute you may feel optimistic, strong and full of hope convinced you will make it through whatever setback that comes you way, and the next feel overwhelmed, drowning in a sea of emotions and inner turmoil. One thing is for sure, each day comes with different challenges and it is important to have healthy coping mechanisms to help build a solid foundation within yourself to deal with those times of personal trial.

Recently I read some of my old journals spanning back from 1993. There were definitely times at certain periods of my life where I thought I was not going to make it through but by the grace of God I am still here today. Suicide attempts, depression, self- harm episodes and dysfunctional relationships were some big mountains I never thought I would overcome but what was interesting in reading past journal entries were some of the habits I developed in those times of great distress. Large amounts of alcohol, angry outbursts of temper, self-harming and drugs were the crutches I used to mask the pain I was feeling inside and cope with everyday life. The escapism these things provided lasted only a short time and when the effects wore off I used them again to get through the next crisis. I never imagined that I could get through difficulties without mood suppressants or behaviours that did not involve destructiveness. I did not believe I could unlock the inner me in a way that was kind to myself.

The transition from destructive habits to positive ones does not just happen over night; changes in my life came through learning and cultivating a new way of thinking, finding healthy coping mechanisms and letting go of bad habits. It involved getting to know what I liked and enjoyed and finding the motivation and confidence to pursue new interests. Therapy provided a safe place for me to explore feelings and memories and provided an environment where I could learn to build trust again. There were times in the transitioning period of uncertainty that I relapsed into the old habits but this was just part of learning process as I had already made up my mind that I wanted to start a new journey in my life. Setbacks and failures are all part of the journey to discovering you and it does not mean your weak if certain things you try do not work out. The key to recovery and healing is being willing to explore new avenues that will foster hope and energise you to envision a new way of life, to breakthrough the period of wilderness you are experiencing. I call it ‘the wilderness’ because in my experience the aftermath of abuse felt like a hopeless place of uncertainty and no direction, characterised by emotional disorientation, lost identity and overwhelming confusion and helplessness. It can be a painful place to be in but you can move to new place of chosen opportunities and hope; you are more than your past. Below, I share with you hobbies, coping strategies and life changing steps that have really been key in helping me to get to where I am today:

My Faith – JESUS the cornerstone of my hope and key to my transformation

Journals – Keeping diaries over the years has helped me find my voice and encouraged me and acted as reminder of my progression

Hugs – Plenty of them from my Husband and people I trust in my personal space

Exercise – Really helped with my depression, I exercise at least four times a week!

Good friends – A few trusted supportive friends that I can share my thoughts, feelings, challenges and triumphs with

The Bible – Gives me hope, especially psalms in particular 139,31,91,56,37

Books on CSA – not easy reading but helped me understand how sexual abuse affected me and gave me insight into the issues it leaves behind

Reading – I have always been a bookworm and can have a number of books on the go that I am reading!

Goal lists – Help me to focus on things I want to accomplish

Creative activities – Knitting and making things with my Daughter

Looking after my wellbeing – eating right, taking care of mind, body and soul

Therapy – When needed I have found it helpful; counselling, CBT, psychotherapy

Prayer – Basically talking to God and also asking others to pray for me

Family – Spending time with my Husband and daughter together is very nice, I am especially enjoying the summer bike rides

Writing my life story – My autobiography Daughter Arise gave me the voice I never had

Writing – Currently working on new books and my blog, I also write poetry and affirmations. The gift of writing is a wonderful talent to have!

Tears – I always used to think I was weak for crying what seems like buckets of tears but it is a good way to release emotions!

Water – May seem like a funny one but looking at water calms me, embankment and Clapham Common lake are my favourite places!

Relaxing music – I love Christian worship music, jazz especially west coast and smooth jazz; music that helps me to feel relaxed

What key things help you? If you do not have anything in place already, what is the one thing you could do each day to help you better yourself and make you feel more at ease?

It is important to learn how to be kind and loving to yourself; trust me I am slowly learning this. It is the little things that we do to affirm and value ourselves daily that will help make a big difference in our self worth and confidence. Try to find a way to carve some time out each day to spend on you. Taking a walk, having a nice bath, reading books you enjoy are small things that do not cost hardly any money. I like to lie on my bed and listen to the UCB radio in the evenings to help me wind down and once a week I like to take myself off for a coffee at a lovely little shop near were I live. I bring my notebook, headphones and a pencil just to spend time gathering my thoughts. Never be afraid to spend time alone. Finding positive ways of getting through those difficult times are the key to unlocking the small steps that become victories won in the bigger battle of recovery from past abuse, mental disorders and emotional difficulties. Start investing in yourself today; you are worth it!

Please feel free to share in the comments section anything that has helped you!

Yvonne